whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Need sex. Gaining weight.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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