I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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