I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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