i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
