true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
