I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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