Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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