if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
