look no pants
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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