Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
