Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize