They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
