is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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