Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
sex in a hospital.. check
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
