at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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