you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
