We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
