I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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