I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
