i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
3pm strippers are depressing
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
