At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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