You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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