Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you told grandpa to call you daddy
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
