I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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