is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
