Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
