Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
