your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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