YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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