Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
