Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
