so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
