Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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