it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
