she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The beer is more important than you right now.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
