ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
