No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
