I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize