Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
