Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
