Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
