maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
