Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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