So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
