It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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