If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Who died my cat blue again?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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