once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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