it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
