Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
