cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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