This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
