Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
