she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
