when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
