On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
