Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
