apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
