i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
