Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
