Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
