first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
