textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
