Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
