Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
