I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
