I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
