remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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