Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
