Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
