i'm signing you up for texting rehab
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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