I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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