she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize