she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
